Perfectionist in name only

Is it weird to be a perfectionist in some ways and a total slob in other ways?

In some ways, I want every single thing to be perfect, as they pertain to certain events. Birthday parties for my kid, giving birth, surprises for others, and things like that... I demand perfection in such a way that it would likely never be obtainable. By the time the thing I wanted to be perfect is over, usually I've gotten a grasp on the things that DID go well, and I'm ok with whatever wasn't perfect. But in the planning process, I tell you what, everything better go just right or I'm panicking. I think that this has an effect on my insomnia; I lay in bed the other night debating for hours if I could give a gift that was baked in my kitchen to an acquaintance who's daughter has a peanut allergy, even though what I baked wouldn't be around or contain peanuts. It's a severe allergy, so ultimately I decided it wasn't worth the risk -  but why worry about it into the night? Why not have the thought, consider it, and either think about it tomorrow or make a decision? Instead I lay there worrying for hours about whether or not they would feel left out, and whether that was better than a possible allergic reaction because hey, I fix my kid a PB&J in the kitchen every day and what if a molecule of peanut butter got into the bread I was baking even though I clean the kitchen before big bakes? Ugh. How can my Christmas baking be perfect if someone may be allergic to the peanut butter molecule that may or may not get into the baking? Can't sleep must think. Sigh. I appreciate my ability to consider the minutiae, but I sometimes wish it were restricted to the daytime hours.

But in other ways, I'm helplessly NOT a perfectionist. Toys all over the floor in the living room? Meh, no big deal. A few dishes in the sink? No big thing. They'll get done at some point. I don't wish I was fanatical about keeping the house clean, but I DO wish it was a little more inherent for me to clean. When I met Brian, he was a fanatical neat freak, and I was fairly slobby. Over the years, we've worn off on one another, but I sure do wish I could find a little more motivation for cleaning than I do. I would like for Brian to come home to a (more) clean house. I keep thinking I need to make a schedule for myself and adhere to it better - then maybe I could get done the things around the house that I want to instead of realizing suddenly that he will be home in 10 minutes and there isn't anything I can do then (even though there really is.) With cleaning, that is one of those things that I'm going to just have to pep talk myself into and get it done. I've told Brian on numerous occasions that I'll try harder and it hasn't happened... so it sure would be nice if I could actually get my stuff together and be a better housekeeper, considering I'm here all day.

In other news, I talked to the apartment leasing office yesterday, to find out if they could be of any assistance with our rent going up and now I don't know what to believe. The leasing office told me that they would never raise anyone's rent more than $100/month, and that it would likely only be $30-$40. But a friend/co-worker of Brian's recently moved out of here because they were going to raise his rent by around $200, so that makes no sense. I'm really not sure what to think, but ultimately our plan will just be to look around and see what's out there. I can't figure out why either party would lie to us - why would our neighbor lie/exaggerate by that amount? Why would the leasing office lie? We'll know what our increase will be in a few months! Is it normal for apartments to raise rates on existing renters? I've never lived in an apartment more than a year, just a rental townhome... is it normal? It seems once someone's renting, you'd be best to just leave their rent alone, unless something crazy happens, like the addition of a really great amenity. I don't know. I'm just confused. Brian's dad made a good point yesterday though - he said our responsibility as renters is to be sure that WE are getting the best deal, which means looking around for ourselves, no matter what the circumstances. We are responsible for being prepared for a rent hike, whether or not it actually happens. We of course knew that, but it was a nice reminder. We'll keep an eye on the rental market in the coming months, to be sure. Because, you know, we have to have the perfect place to live. Ha.