Saturday, April 27, 2013

March for Babies

I did the March of Dimes March for Babies today. It was really fun and felt good. All told, I walked about 5 miles. It was lengthy. It was technically a 5k, but by the time we walked in from the parking lot, wandered around, got the starting line, finished the race, ate lunch, and walked back to the car, it was more than 5k. My legs are really tired tonight, but I was very proud of doing it and also proud of Gage and Sophie, because they did GREAT. Gage got a little whiny when he got hungry about halfway through (I had taken snacks for him but forgot them in the car, ugh) and he was a bit fussy while waiting for food in the lunch line because he wanted a hot dog immediately. But all in all, everything went really, really well.

It was fun, it was packed, and it was inspirational to read all of the stories about the preemies while walking. I would definitely do it again. My friend who lead the team made everyone shirts, and I made everyone hair flowers. Everyone liked the hair flowers which was good. Last night I dreamed everyone though they were lame and then I was sad. I'm such a weirdo.

I am exhausted. I got about 4 hours of sleep last night, walked close to 5 miles today, and was out in the hot sun for much of the day (forgot to sunscreen my face. Burnt.) and I'm beat. Off to bed, soon!

Thursday, April 25, 2013

More weight loss chatter & other miscellany

Today I weighed in and discovered that last week I lost another two pounds. Tracking and staying within my points. Ridiculously awesome. I felt so great stepping off that scale. Anyways, I am just going to keep going. My mom got me a new pedometer today too, it tracks steps and activity and shows you how man points they equate to. I do not like eating from activity points, but I do like seeing if I gain any. And I'm curious as to how many steps I take in a day.

Tomorrow I'm helping to sort a craft coop order. I'm kind of looking forward to it because I love the craft supplies but am kind of not looking forward to it because Gage might make it really difficult. Hard to say.

It's going to be a crazy weekend. I'm walking in the March for Babies on Saturday and then Sunday we will be doing a ton of stuff around the house. Will be a little crazy but a lot good.

I think that's all I have for now. I have many anecdotes I could share about my kids, but one day, they will learn to read and use the Internet and I would rather they not discover that I told the world about their private moments. I think it's all too easy in the blogging world to forget that we are sharing with the world, not just a close friend or two. One of these days I will do a "50 Awesome things about Sophie" post though, because I love the one I did for Gage and Sophie deserves one too. She's pretty awesome. And clingy. But that's ok.

Why does the Blogger for Android app always fail my post publish on the first try? It always is successful the second try, but fails the first. Why?

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Odds and ends

It's Saturday and we are trying to get the little folks to sleep! We have had kind of a busy day so far, with trying to get a few things done around the house and going to my parents house this afternoon. Both kids played really hard and got really tired, which sometimes makes it even harder to get them to go to sleep! But they had lots of fun.

I was very proud of my eating today. I only went over my daily points into my weekly points by a couple which was really good. It was especially good because I made the best cookies ever at my parents house.

Their next door neighbor's son has been battling cancer for a little while now, and the chemo is kicking his butt, so my mom asked if I would bake some cookies for them. I said sure, and then decided Gage was old enough to help. He jumped at the chance to help me bake cookies! It was really fun to do with him. He mixed the dry ingredients, helped me pour them into the mixer, helped pour the chocolate chips in, and helped put the dough balls on the cookie sheets. He loved every minute of helping and I really enjoyed having him help. He did a good job! I used this amazing recipe that I have for essentially chocolate chip sugar cookies (sooooo good) and was wrapping up, telling my mom that the dough seemed a little drier than usual. We were talking about whether the recipe was missing anything (it wasn't) and Brian was joking that it needed more chocolate chips. Then he said it needed peanut butter chips. My mom and I laughed, because obviously, she doesn't just have peanut butter chips laying around. Then she says, "Why not throw a little glob of peanut butter in there?" I said, "Why not throw a BIG glob in there?!" So we did, and the cookies tasted amazing. Seriously, like, everything good about sugar cookies, everything good about chocolate chip cookies, and everything good about PB cookies. They came out pretty, too, which doesn't matter if you're just going to sit down and eat them yourself, but for gifting purposes, gorgeous cookies are important.

I had a sinking feeling in my stomach because they were so good I was afraid I would eat like, 4 of them or something. I told myself I was going to eat one and a half cookies. Well, of course, I was sitting there looking at them, and my (bloated fatbody) subconscious was sitting there telling me, "Just have two cookies. Cmon. A whole 'nother cookie isn't that much more than half anyway. Just eat it. It'll be sooooo good. You'll enjoy it sooooo much. Just think of how it'll taste. It'll be amazing. And just think, you made them! Think of how proud you'll be, eating those delicious cookies you made. Hey, speaking of how you made them, you totally deserve to eat AT LEAST two of them, because come on, you did all that work. It would be weird if you only ate one and half." Ok, that may seem over the top, but it's TOTALLY NOT. That's like, 2 seconds worth of my subconscious mind's reaction to a food I really like. And that just goes on and on and then I don't really wonder why I'm fat! Anyway. I shut it down, told it no, and ate my planned for 1.5 cookies. And then I didn't have anymore, despite my own brain whispering to me to just eat another one.

I wonder if that will ever go away? Will I ever just approach food like a normal person, not like someone who can't resist throwing all the food down their gullet? Guess only time will tell. I hope at least doing WW for a while may quiet that annoying voice!

Friday, April 19, 2013

Is this a weight loss blog?

Ok, not really. But I do want to document some things about my weight loss here.

Yesterday was my weigh in day at Weight Watchers! All my hard work and good decisions paid off. I lost two pounds! And that was even using most of my weekly points in addition to my daily points. If I can just stay on track, I can definitely do this.

I am determined to do it though. I think small decisions lead to big habit changes and that is so awesome. I shared my story in the meeting yesterday and felt so pleased that a couple people were really touched by it. Sometimes we feel like someone really needs to hear what we have to say.

Gonna be another good week. I want a steady weight loss from here on--no more up and down.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Heavy hearted

Well, I had planned on posting a little tonight about my weight loss victories of the past few days because I am proud of them. But I feel all wrong posting about that sort of thing before at least expressing my deep sorrow and condolences for all of those affected by the bombing at the Boston marathon. I guess as an aspiring runner it makes me heart heavy to think that something as simple and as old as this marathon will now be tainted forever by this horrible tragedy. Which is not to even mention the horror at those who were injured or lives lost, like that of an eight-year-old. Boston, it's residents, and all those affected have my prayers and thoughts tonight.

So, I will tell you about my weight loss victories, because I think it's time to stop letting violence overtake life. But it is with a heavy heart tonight, and these small victories seem so much less sweet to me than they did twelve hours ago.

I've counted points and tracked my eating all week. I haven't done that for months. I haven't stayed under my points every single day, but I haven't gone over my weekly points, and I've faithfully tracked. This includes Sophie's birthday party on Saturday. I definitely went over, but I tracked it.

I've had my head in the game all week. I've had WW on the brain in a way I haven't for a while. So I'm happy about that because I have been just kind of letting it go ignored and I guess I think it's a good sign I'm thinking a lot about it again.

A friend offered to bring me doughnuts and coffee this morning. I said no to the doughnuts, yes to the coffee. I thought last night, when she offered, that not having doughnuts would totally justify having a huge, fat and sugar laden Frappucino this morning. However, when the time came and she asked what I wanted, I asked for a Venti skinny vanilla latte. Four points instead of 14. No whip. It was still tasty, just not awful and calorie laden. I try to avoid artificial sweeteners, but this latte was fortunately not SUPER sweet, so hopefully didn't use much. I was EXTREMELY proud of myself for this. I can justify to myself almost any calorie laden thing. And my brain didn't even really go there. So that's awesome.

I ate a cupcake today left over from Sophie's birthday. I really wanted a second. But when I figured the points and tracked it, I decided a second cupcake wasn't really worth it to me. So I didn't have one. That makes me happier than the cupcake would have.

If I could bear in mind how good these things make me feel, I think it would go a long way to helping me cut back on eating junk. I've felt proud of having a 4 point coffee instead of a 14 point coffee all day. If I had had the 14 point coffee, I wouldn't even be thinking about it anymore, it would've just been one  more junky thing I would have shoveled into my face. But instead, I'm feeling proud of myself and happy at my choice. And hopefully these little choices will all add up to good numbers on the scale on Thursday.

I also want to share about these things at Weight Watchers on Thursday. Maybe they will help someone else. We never really know if what we are sharing is what someone else desperately needs to hear. So don't keep your light under a basket! The world needs all of our light, especially now.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

For my baby girl, on her first birthday

Dear, sweet Sophie ~
What can I say about Sophie? You are amazing. My baby girl, who is almost not a baby anymore; as of today you are officially a toddler. You came at a time when I most thought I wasn't sure of how another baby would impact our lives, just as Gage came when I was unsure of how a baby would impact our lives. And just like Gage, you are one of the best things to ever happen to me. I have loved every day with you since you graced us with your presence, and I will continue to do so. I've said it 100 times and I'll say it 1,000 more, at least--my worst day with you is better than my best day without you.

What can I say about Sophie? You are adorable, brilliant, charming, daring, amazing, brave, cuddly, and absolutely awesome. You climb everything with the most ornery grin on your face. I dress you in these adorable, feminine outfits, and then watch you walk, climb, fall, crawl, jump, and chase your brother around in them. I marvel at you. Your understanding of things far surpasses babies your age. You reason, you work through problems, you understand how things work that would baffle most babied your age.

You aren't a baby that plays with toys, oh no. You want to be learning and figuring things of the world, not babydom. But I'm so afraid of how quickly you're growing up; already you seem so advanced yet you still look like a tiny, walking baby. You are so independent yet still so needy. You still want Momma when you're tired or cranky, and you always like a cuddle when you're sleepy. I hope you can always come to me when you need a cuddle or a love. You do have some attitude though, that leads to an angry squawk and you stomping off to pout when you don't get your way. You are going to be a blast to watch grow and develop. You are so unique and I hope you can always let you just be you.

I couldn't be more pleased with you, Sophie. You are everything I've said here and more, because I could never capture you with words. You're a pleasure to have around, and quite a hoot. So glad you're here, my baby who is almost not a baby anymore. A year ago today, I had no idea what it was like to be momma to a girl, and now I can't imagine life without you. What a blessing you are, and I am so, so, so proud to be your Momma.

So much love for you!

Friday, April 12, 2013

A quick weight loss post.

So, I'm kind of just jumping back in here. I'll give an update one of these days, when I feel like! Anyway. I've been doing Weight Watchers since... I dunno, September, maybe? I started out strong; lost 11 pounds or so. Then, I stalled. And I've been up and down over the same milestone weight about 6 times now, and I'm sick of it.

And I even know why. Why? Because I lose a decent bit of weight with WW and then I think I'm cured. Cured of food addiction, cured of the mumbo jumbo that rattles around in my brain surrounding food (hint: food and I have a dysfunctional relationship), cured of overeating at large. Then my weight loss stalls, and I quit. But not this time.

The last meeting, I had gained back 3.2 lbs. I was disgusted with myself, sick at heart, and completely discouraged. I bawled my eyes out the minute I got in the car. And... I think that was exactly what I needed. I have redevoted myself to the program. It is time I figure out how to look at food as sustenance--not a reward, not a release, not a comfort, not a fix. I am a step ahead of so many others in that I KNOW what healthy eating looks like. I just need to get back there.

So today was day two. I tracked all day, I watched what I ate, I avoided junk. I am PROUD of myself. And I'm not giving up. Not this time. My health and my family depends on it. Tomorrow will be hard, it is Sophie's first birthday. I will be bittersweet all day, and surrounded by food. But I'm going in with a game plan! I'll be having one plate of food, pre-tracked. When it's gone, it's gone, unless I want veggies, haha. I will have ONE small piece of Sophie cake, the rest will go away. I can do it. There's no time like now, and I know I can.