Friday, April 1, 2011

You take the good with the bad, even when there isn't a whole lot of good

The good news first? Ok here goes. I have a husband and a son who rock, I had a nice lunch with my mom at Angie's, and I did finish the long version of the piece I wrote for Brian's uncle Doyle at Sox Place. Sound good? Alright. The day was a major bummer otherwise.

It started out alright, Gage and I got up at 7:00. He was well rested, and I was fairly sure he'd slept straight through from about 11:30. He took a nice, hour and a half nap at 9:00, and then we got ready to head to my parents' house. While mom and Gage and I were having lunch, Brian IMd me and told me he was headed home sick. I told him I'd see him later. Gage and I went to check the PO box, which is near my parents'. I have this nasty habit of opening stuff I'm curious about right away, and one of the things I opened happened to be a bill for medical services that I had the day after Brian's ex-employer cancelled our insurance, three days prematurely. It was a pretty big chunk of change, bringing our total due from that ONE day to somewhere between $1400 and $1700. Great.

So I go into my parent's house, and looking forward to finishing up the writing for Sox Place, taking it from a whole bunch of handwritten notes to an actual piece of writing in .docx format. I turn Gage over to my mom and dad, and start in on it. I get two pages of really good stuff, and then without warning, my computer restarts to complete some updates. Had I saved the piece I was writing? Of course not. All gone. Excellent.

By the time the computer restarts and I discover that it did indeed eat my work, Gage is tired and fussy and I need to take him home. So no more time to retype all I'd written, all that I was feeling really pleased with. I loaded up the sleepy guy to get him home.

Then Brian's mom and sister came over for a bit to spend some time with Gage. After a few hours of nice visiting, they took off and Brian and I ordered pizza from Blackjack. I went to pick it up, and navigation sent me to the 100% wrong place. After many u-turns, driving around like an idiot for a while, and finally calling for directions, I finally found it. Splendid. After we ate, I decided to weigh Gage on the Ski, then Brian weighed himself. He is only 9 lbs away from his goal. I'm so super proud of him but ... it really depresses me that he's so close and I'm so far away. Our weight loss goals used to be something that we were pushing toward together, but now he's pushing toward his goal and I'm totally stagnant.

I quit Weight Watchers because I lost the motivation to do it. I can't go to the gym because, well, when? I haven't been able to walk or run because of the crappy wind, and I don't have room for a treadmill or anything. I can try to do the Wii games, but I have a limited amount of time while Gage isn't jumping me to do those, like, a 10 minute window while he's chill in his high chair. Is ten minutes even worth it?! I know all that sounds like excuses, I get it. But I'm in a rut and really discouraged. And it is hard because Brian tries to encourage me but I'm hard to encourage when I'm feeling like a big, fat failure. And I am right now. He's got 9 more lbs to lose. I've got forty five more lbs to lose. Ugh.

Some days are better than others, and I know that. I also know that things could be much, much worse. It has just been a day wrought with unfortunate surprises and wrong turns and obvious displays of my failings. Tomorrow will be another day.

Happy April Fools' Day, and don't worry-the joke's on me. *sigh.* See you tomorrow for what will hopefully be a more upbeat post.

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